Use the jukebox to
 listen to some cool music including Winter Beach by Suchoon Mo as you browse the site

All the content of this website is © Copyright erbacce © Copyright on individual poems
remains with the authors; nothing may be reproduced without express permission.
If you download a copy of erbacce all copyright rules still apply.

24. A ROYAL WEDDING SPECIAL

A Journal to 'celebrate' all that the ordinary people feel about Wills and Kate's million pound wedding...

Literally hundreds of poets sent us submissions and we are delighted to say that none of them supported these parasites... a few samples below:

Twenty-Five Foot Train

 
1
I’m of tough constitution
but I suppose
it was the vision
of her puff ball meringue wedding dress
which disagreed with me:
the hand-sewn silk taffeta
the puffed sleeves
& frilly necktie
the 10,000 laced pearls
 
drinking beer
under the house
to escape the summer heat
I switched on the tube:
St Paul’s
Big Ears & Porcelain Doll
the twenty-five foot train
 
Spontaneously,
I lurched forward  
                           & projectile vomited.
 
2
The Pont de l’Arma Tunnel
is held as a special place in my heart:
 
the black crushed Merc
the thirteenth pillar
the quick ache of ecstasy
when I see a white Fiat Uno.
 
3
Will & Kate
Sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be entering
your lottery for a chance to attend
your 20 million pound wedding
 
if it’s a hot day
I’ll drink beer
under the house
& read a book.
 
George Anderson

Poem for the Marriage of the Prince

of England and Soon-to-Be Princess

William and Kate
No use hating them
Golden lads and girls must
Come to dust too as
Willie the Shake wrote
A long time ago, when royal
Folk were getting married too or
Sometimes just getting
It on the sly pretending
to be virgins the
better to get a grip
On their subjects’ hearts
And minds but
Never mind, I say, the
Royals live and die as
We all do, just with more
Money, with a tip o’
The hat to Hem and F. Scott
And their long arguments over
The pseudo-majesty of the rich
Let them marry,
Let them have children and die
And let their children marry again
Maybe someday they’ll have
The grace to step outside of
Being royal and just
Learn what it means to be
Human, that greatest
Gift of all
Which maybe the
Royals are most lacking in
And which we can
Show them by
The kindness in our
Hearts to look
The other way
When they stage those awful
Gawdy overpriced
Carnivals called
Royal Weddings.

Gerald Nicosia

Royal Wedding Song

Stuff em all!
Stuff em all!
The bastards who
Think they are Royal

Give them no promotion
Throw the twats in the Ocean
Then all stand and cheer
Stuff em all!

Rosa Crippen

David Cameron hears the news of the impending royal nuptials

Hurrah for William and Kate,
Excuse me as I salivate:
The plebs will all be so distracted
I can get all sorts enacted
And nobody will mind the mess
I make of public services if the bride wears a really nice dress;

And I can to let it slip that I
Camped out to cheer for Charles and Di
All night on the Mall, yes I slept rough!
(Which shows I understand homelessness, and am also pretty darned tough!)

Ah! happy days! So raise your glass
To William and his down-to-earth and not at all over-privileged lass
For she’s no longer Waity Katie
And I get to live my dream of taking us all back to the jolly old ‘80s!

Gwen Seabourne

reckoning-day

it is a monstrous deceit
imposed upon the masses;
persuading the workers
to lick Royal arses

it seems so shallow yet
for now it does the trick
as millions cheer the whore
and that arrogant, dim-witted, prick

a blindfold of sheer vanity
masks their inherent need
to perpetuate the power lust,
which feeds their unquenchable greed…

and so they strut before us
contemptuous of us all
unaware that the majority
are harkening to a call:

“Too long we’ve tolerated
  you robber-baron scum
  we wont do that forever
 ‘reckoning-day’ will come…”

  Alice Collier

On This Day

See now, in 3D, the marriage of these two important people as we, the other people, are gathered to unite celebrities who would have, at some other time, been considered venerable members of royalty. Let us now take a moment to envision these two heroes brimming with light as God has intended.

Let us pray and pay no mind to the throat-knifing screams of protest occurring outside this sacred and thoroughly barricaded Holy House, from which many have married yes, but from which few have been granted such grandeur and awe in the presence of Him.

As we can tell by the gold gilded pews and the fragrance of unaffordable perfume, this event is appropriately suited to wed these two in lifelong matrimony. Let us now take a moment to bask in this glory of their uniting and--if we can--conjure up an adequate sense of jealously.

Even as the infrastructures crumble around us, along with all humbling sentiment, let us rejoice in the love between these two deities. Let us now lay upon the long and delicately embroidered Indian carpet many expensive flowers as we await the coming bride.

We must apologize for further delay on this unprecedented day as our technicians have yet to fully integrate the HD TVs into the broadcast interface. During this time let us draw our attention to this wonderful seven foot tall, 90 kilo cake, which--naturally--has been imported from Portugal.

As we wait still let us now give due credence to the divine lineage that has come before on these blessed steps. Let us give thanks to these two blessed people that, after such terrible endeavor and hardship, managed to meet together in this military protected house of God. Let us now pray to Him.

Robert Cole